Jokes: Memoirs of IMH (Mental Hospital)

funny things

Record I


Patient A: “So how.. this book not bad ya?”

Patient B: “Excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense shit, sharp and
concise to the point. But there’s a major flaw in this piece of art
too many character names to remember!!!


Nurse: “Hey! Can the two of you..put the telephone book back to the
original place?”


Record II


One doctor asked a patient: “If I were to cut one of your ear off,
what will happen to you?”

Patient: “Then I will not be able to hear…”

Doctor: “Hmm.. that’s normal…So if I were to cut your other ear
off, what will happen to you?”

Patient: “Then I will not be able to see…”

The doctor became nervous and asked: “Why would you not see then???”

Patient: “Because my spectacles will drop down...”



Record III

IMH has an old lady who wears black everyday, carries a black
umbrella and squats @ the entrance to the IMH everyday without
fail, rain or shine.

The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her and decided to
start by understanding her behaviour.

So, the doctor also wear black and carries a black umbrella; squatted
outside together just next to her, rain or shine, everyday without
fail.

So…days goes by…the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a
single exchange of words..for one solid month…

One fine day..the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the
doctor: “Err…Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?”



Record IV (the best)

A nurse saw a patient writing a letter.. She got curious and went to
take a peek.. But the patient didn’t wanna let her see.

Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): “Who are you writing to?”

Patient : “I’m writing a letter to myself…”

Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone
write a letter to himself?)

So she asked again: “So…what’s written inside?”

Patient (got impatient): “You crazy ah? I haven’t receive the letter,
how would I know??”



Record V

Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of
them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground.

After a while, the patient rolling shouted to the top: “Hey! How come
you are not coming down yet?”

The patient ontop replied: “No..no…I can’t…I’m not ripe yet”



Record VI


One patient visited the doctor: “Doc…how? I think I’m a chicken
since I was born…”

Doctor: “Woah! that’s very serious…Why do you only come and seek
treatment now?”

Patient: “Because my family needs me to hatch the eggs…”


Record VII (Perfect)

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH.
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home after
unloading the stuff.

He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix on the new tyre, he accidentally dropped all
the bolts into the drain.

The truck driver was very sad as he can’t fished the bolts up;
started to panic.

Coincidentally, one patient walk past and asked the driver what
happened.

The driver thought to himself, since there’s nothing much he can do,
he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient nonchantly replied: “can’t even fix such a simple
problem…no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver…”

he goes on explaining:

“You just have to take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix
it onto this tyre. Drive to the nearest workshop and replace the
missing ones”

The driver was very impressed and asked “You’re so smart but why do
you stay in IMH?”

Patient replied: “I stay here because I’m crazy not STUPID!”

Source : Wong, Jit Sing <JitSing.Wong@ alliedtelesis. com.sg>

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